Dear Friends,

I write to say you will not be seeing me for awhile.  Probably not until fall.

But where to start?  Well, first I must describe my office.  I work in an open office on the first floor where one wall is comprised entirely of floor to ceiling windows.  Through them I have a spectacular view of the parking lot.  I must also pass by this wall to get to the kitchenette for my tea, water, and general food needs.

Our campus grounds are teeming with geese.  They send trucks around once a month to catch the geese, but so far I haven't seen this do much to lessen their numbers.

Well, this morning, I walked to the kitchenette to fill up my water bottle (I opted out of my herbal tea because one of my coworkers brought in fruit drinks and muffins from her gym.)  As I passed the window wall, I saw a gaggle of geese right outside.  One of the ganders was looking right at me.  I averted my eyes and quickened my pace into the kitchenette and safety.  I loitered by the water cooler, hoping that the gander would lose interest and move on before I returned.  No such luck.  He was still staring at me.

Now, my desk doesn't face the window, and is actually a little removed from it, but my coworker Michelle sits the closest to it.  I was typing away and heard some honking, but didn't think much of it.  It's spring after all, and geese are some of the noisiest lovers I've ever heard.

Suddenly Michelle said, "Uh Beth, that goose is looking at you."  I whipped around and looked, but couldn't see anything because there are file drawers lining the window wall.  I cautiously stepped closer, and sure enough there he was, craning his neck, honking like mad, and STARING!  I tripped over myself in my haste to back away from the window - this only resulted in him honking louder as his lady goose of the moment stood docily by.

I'd like to take a moment to explain why geese terrify me.  It all started when I was two-years-old.  My babysitter took me to the park for a walk.  She brought a stale loaf of bread along to feed the ducks.  She set me down - a pudgy bundle of tender flesh that could barley stay upright - near the ducks with a piece of bread in my hands.  Without explaining the concept of tearing bread into tiny pieces, she proceeded to take pictures of me.  I was all smiles and giggles as the ducks nibbled on the bread.  My babysitter looked down for a second to fiddle with her camera, and in that second two sounds assaulted her ears.  The menacing honks of geese and the bloodcurdling scream of a toddler surrounded by animals taller than her. 

My babysitter whipped her head up in time to see me swallowed up in a mass of feathers and beaks - each goose so desperate for a morsel of bread that they were willing to bite flesh in order to have it.  My babysitter fought her way into the fracas and scooped me up.  But in my utter terror, I hadn't the foresight to drop the piece of bread, so the geese just kept coming.  They chased us all the way back to the car.

And so began my goose phobia.  This, unfortunately was not my last run in with geese.  I've been accosted while I walk to my car, followed on walks, and even chased through a cemetery.

So as this gander stands outside and stares at me, the thought of leaving through door right beside him is less than welcome.  If you do not see me until fall, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.  And if you happen to think of me, pray that this nightmare ends.

Kind regards,

Beth

Currently Listening Girls and Boys By Ingrid Michaelson see related

A Weekend of 27 Cloverfield Dresses

I saw two new releases this weekend.  You may have guessed, by reading my oh-so-clever entry title, what those two movies are.  But if you didn't they were Cloverfield and  27 Dresses.  If anyone has seen either of these (mostly Cloverfield) and would like to discuss in more detail, PLEASE let me know because my beloved friends here are so not media people.

Let the spoilers commence!

27 Dresses

This is actually the movie I saw second, but I don't foresee discussing it quite as long.  In short, I liked it for the fluff it was, but there wasn't anything too earth shattering there.  And am I also a little bit more aware of myself in these past few years to know that had the circumstances been different, I would have left utterly depressed.

Every month or so, a bunch of my girlfriends and I try and get together and do dinner and a movie.  Sometimes we watch a movie at someone's house, sometimes we go to the theater.  It's nice to hang out with just girls, and doesn't happen all that often.  Those who know from high school or college may be shocked by this statement, since I seemed to always be spending time with a bunch of girls, especially those awesome girls from the Beast.

So anyway, I went to the movie with no other expectation than something completely ridiculous to enjoy with my friends.  And 27 Dresses delivered.  But I don't know how often I'll watch it again.  If I had been going with a smaller group, or perhaps watched it by myself I would most likely have left thinking it was good, but then noticing how it doesn't resemble my life at all.  And from there would be the downward spiral that every single female enters into.  Where is the guy for me?  I'm less dysfunctional than that (fictional) woman, but she found someone.  What is my problem?  And 27 Dresses is the perfect moving to induce self loathing because it is all about a woman who's lifelong dream is to get married. 

So be warned ladies - I'd recommend seeing this if you are in a fantastically good mood, but not if you are down on yourself and hoping for a pick-me-up.  Actually that's my advice about watching any romantic comedy.  Perhaps in another post (to a nonexistent readership) I'll delve into why I don't watch romantic comedies as much any more.  Probably not though, but if you're curious you are free to ask away.

Anyway the movie itself was cute.  I'm finding I really like Katherine Heigl - surprising since I've never liked Izzy on Grey's Anatomy.  But Heigl has always (yes, even on Grey's) been able to be vulnerable and down to earth.  Even though she looks stunning, I feel like she's very approachable and human.  Not crazy like a lot of actors.  And while this wasn't James Marsden's best performance, it doesn't detract from his good looks.  Favorite scene:  Heigl and Marsden, completely wasted, making up lyrics to "Benny and the Jets."

And while her bridesmaid dresses were crazy (seriously, who gets married underwater?) her regular clothes were splendid!  I want her wardrobe.

P.S. Thank you Maria and Brecka for not going for a theme wedding, and choosing dresses I could wear again.

Cloverfield

Many mixed feelings/thoughts.

I think, overall, I liked it, but I wonder at its staying power.

If you know anything about this movie, you know that nobody knows anything concrete about this movie.  I saw the first trailer before Transformers this summer and I was like, "What the heck?"  And then I remembered that J.J. Abrams was attached, so of course I would have no idea what was going on.

Then there was that new "wonderful" viral marketing craze that had people in a frenzy to get any answers.  I didn't have the patience for any of it, but I heard that it involved many random things like leaving the website up for 6 minutes before hearing a 5 second soundbyte of a monster roar, or clicking on a photo in a certain sequence before a Japanese phrase appeared, or standing under the harvest moon at midnight and turning thrice counterclockwise on one leg only to be showered with fake MySpace pages.  You get the drift.

So really, this is a movie that is to be best enjoyed if you've taken the time to "figure out" clues to get more clues and maybe sacrifice a cat or two.  I didn't do any of that, but I did hear about things through various websites and journals made by people who did take the time.  And from all of that I gleaned that the company Slusho (a Japanese drink) was somehow connected.

So when I saw the movie, I was waiting for Slusho to be referenced or make an appearance.  It didn't... or so I thought.  Apparently there are Slusho drinks all over the party in the first half hour of the film.  Oops.  I missed that.  So of course I missed other things, and wanted to research them today, and I feel a little bit more informed.  Maybe.  But what about all the people who went in without any viral marketing knowledge?  And what about people who watch this movie 20+ years down the road.  What are they going to think.

Because the movie didn't answer ANY questions.  And that is where my turmoil comes from.  I love, nay crave, closure.  So movies that don't give it to me tick me off.

Cloverfield's angle is that it is all filmed with a hand held video camera.  And that's an interesting premise.  It's a monster movie, but it is also a home movie - complete with the random zooming and shakiness involved with an amateur behind the camera.  Half of the movie is filmed sideways as Hud, the main camera man, lets the camera swing at hip level as he runs for his life.

And since it is a home movie, we see what it would be like for a person if they really were in the middle of everyday routines and suddenly had to run from a monster.  That's kind of cool.  And weird.  I mean, we're conditioned to watch these movies with the understanding that Joe Schmoe is running around helplessly, but there is ultimately some military guy, the president, or Jeff Goldblum who knows the origin of the monster and how to defeat it.

But if all you have is a home video, then you only know as much as Joe Schmoe.  And Joe Scmoe never knows anything other than "IT'S HUGE!  IT'S ANGRY!  AND IT'S GOING TO KILL ME!!!!!"  So we, the audience, never figure out where this monstrosity even came from!  Heck, we don't even know if it dies in the end because all of the people holding the camera die first!  And I mean everyone!  There was a hope that one of them have survived, but with more viewings its been confirmed she died too.

And watching the average person try and cope is frustrating.  I kept catching myself thinking, "Are you guys crazy?!?!  Don't go back for Beth (even though, with a name like Beth, she deserves to be saved)!  Don't go in the tunnels, don't run back to pick up the fallen video camera, DON'T STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF CENTRAL PARK AND FILM THE MONSTER AS IT IS EATING YOU!  RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!"

But then I thought, "Okay, let's say that I was in the middle of my daily routine and suddenly a monster came out of Lake Michigan and started attacking the city.  Would I do the most undeniably brave/cool/smart thing?"  Of course not.  I'd be lucky if I could even run, I'd be so filled with terror.  And really, does anyone know what to do in that type of situation?  (Critics are saying that Cloverfield allowed us to look at what it was like for New Yorkers on 9/11 - the utter terror and confusion and the inability to even process what was happening, since nothing like that had ever happened before.)

So if a monster did start tearing up New York, there would be stories of miraculous survival.  We jut happen to be with a group of six who didn't survive.  And that bothers me.  A lot.

I think my favorite thing about the whole movie was Hud, the camera guy.  You see him a total of 2-3 times, but you constantly hear his voice.  He is the Everyman.  Rob is the angsty hottie who is in love with Beth, but unable to act on his feelings.  Jason is the care free brother who is too curious for his own good.  And Hud is there as their awkward, slightly overweight, average, tag-along friend complete with scruff and bowling shoes.  He isn't brave, he goes with his friends because he is too scared to be left behind.  And even going with them he's always lagging behind and they don't always look back to make sure he's caught up, so he pushes through his labored breathing to keep pace.  He keeps filming he says, "Because people are gonna want to know what went down," but I think he also films so that he has something to do - a way to feel like he's contributing.  And we all know people like that.  In fact, I think most of us have been that person at least once in our lives.  I know I have.

The thing I liked the least was the smaller monsters that were in the tunnels.  The group is running in almost complete darkness, but then they realize they aren't alone - at least 1 million rats are also running away from something... but we can't see what.  Oh but wait!  There is a night vision option on the camera!  Huzzah!  Now we can see our impending doom!

I would like to take a moment and let you in on two things that creep me out in any animal/monster/creature/thing:

• More than 4 legs.  the main reason I hate spiders and some crustaceans in because of their crazy number of legs.  That many legs makes them move in a way that so totally terrifies me that I tend to shriek uncontrollably and fling myself as far away from said creature as possible.  So anything that has 8 or more legs is destined to haunt my nightmares.
• More than 2 eyes.  This is a slightly newer phobia.  I like eyes, in fact I'm a sucker for a guy's eyes.  But when he has about 30 trying to contend for space on his forehead, I'm a little uncomfortable.  Eyes are really shiny - more then two is ostentatious in a creepy sort of way.

I'd also like to mention the newest thing that freaks me out

• Something that sounds like an industrial fan/a horse chuffing/and the constant gnashing of teeth.

Combine all of these things and TaDa! the tunnel monsters.  Freakiest things ever!  I would like to see the movie again to look for some of the stuff I missed, but I kid you not, these monsters that maybe have 15 minutes of screen time are the biggest deterrent for a second viewing.  I went home and was scared to open the bathroom door after my shower because I thought I saw something scrabbling around the crack between the door and the floor.  Okay, so i didn't have my glasses on at the time making my vision 20/200, but still!  Freaky.

Yes, so those are my thought (today at least).  And if anyone is willing to indulge me in some movie talk, I promise to love you forever.

Someone has been in our house

*Lately when this has imported to Facebook it becomes ONE BIG BLOCK PARAGRAPH OF DOOM!  If that really bothers you, come to my xanga page because I do know how to make paragraph breaks.

Last night I'm hungry, so I go to the fridge looking for some leftovers Mom had told me were in there.  Now, there are a lot of leftovers in our fridge, but I knew I was looking for one with chicken and noodles.  And I find it and warm it up.  The pasta was okay, but the chicken was all grisly and gross and I ended up spitting it out.

When Mom came home, I told her she was mistaken about the leftovers being any good.

"You're kidding me!  They were good when I had them."

"Well the breaded chicken was all nasty."

"Breaded chicken?  There was no breaded chicken.  What did you eat?"

I opened the fridge and pointed to the container I got my dinner from.

"Well that's the wrong one of course.  Here!  Let me move heaven and earth in our fridge to uncover this hidden container of the food you were supposed to eat.  I don't even know where that other food came from.  Did you bring it home from a restaurant."

"No.  I don't eat stuff like that normally.  It must be yours."

"It's not."

"Well it's not mine."

"Well it's not mine."

"It's got to be."

"It's not.  It's must be your."

"It's not."

After about ten minutes of this we decide that someone entered our house and put mysterious food in our fridge.  If that isn't bad enough, Mom ends the conversation with, "I wonder how old that stuff is?"

Cue upset stomach for the entire evening.

And I also watched the Heroes season finale.  Now, I know this isn't where they intended to end Heroes this season, but did they have to call it the end of Chapter Two?  Because it wasn't a very exciting conclusion.  In fact it seemed like a lot of stuff was repeated.

But here are a few things I liked:

1.) Maya died
2.) Elle was awesome
3.) Mr. Bennet reconstructed a scene from The Great Escape when he was playing with his bouncy ball.
4.)  Adam/Kensei isn't dead, so more David Andrews in the future (because who here really thinks he will be buried for that long?

Things I didn't like:

1.) Maya came back to life
2.) Mohinder helped Sylar out, knowing full well that Sylar would kill them once he got his powers back.  Better to be killed before Sylar can slice through people's skulls with his finger.
3.) Mr. Bennet joined back up with the company (although I think he's got some super crafty plan of taking it down.)
4.)  Hiro didn't have the stones to kill Adam/Kensei.  I know this may contradict with my happiness that Adam isn't dead, but Hiro needs to learn that sometimes people have to die.

How did we do?

So there were some upsets, but it looks like the predictions were fairly close to the mark. 

Heroes Predictions

Steph sent me an email giving me her predictions for tonight's show, and asking for mine.  I thought it would be interesting to see what other people are expecting.  As a side note, I seem to enjoy spelling Heroes "Hereos."  Sort of the like Oreo.  Hereos:  The chocolaty cookie filled with goodness and awesome superpowers.

Steph's predictions: